Vol. 1,     No. 3     June 2001     http://the-ddic.com

When One is Ill or Dying

In the "olden days" people died at home, were prepared for the grave by family, and buried by the family. After World War II funeral parlors become popular and medical technology such that people died in hospitals.

Today one may die at home, in a hospital, hospice, nursing home, retirement home or someplace in public. If the circumstances are such that you can die at home the box on the right lists contacts you should have that are easily accessible. We suggest the refrigerator.

Not everyone understands the concept of the hospice. The hospice idea is for people who are dying, not just ill. The hospice may be a place the patient will go to, or it will be people who come to the patient. Check your medical insurance.

When someone dies in a hospice, nursing home or retirement home there is usually a finite amount of time for the body to remain on the premises since most do not have a morgue (with refrigeration). Plans need to be discussed before the actual death.

If one dies unexpectedly in public (as in an auto accident) the body will go to the coroner’s office for an autopsy. It is suggested everyone keep a "next of kin" card in one’s wallet. Make sure you let that person know they are the next of kin. Don’t surprise them.

Regarding The Web Site...

The Web site offers news stories, articles, advice columns, speakers’ schedule and a resource page. A small site now, it will grow and become an excellent place for information on death and dying and accompanying issues presented in easy to read formats in an objective interesting way. Feel free to make suggestions.

People, Places & Things

Your 'Fridge List

My Authorized Agent

The person who will be responsible for you when you die.

Helpful Neighbor

Someone who lives close by who knows you. They know the daily details.

My Lawyer

Your lawyer’s name and phone number. That way others don’t have to look for it.

My Doctor

Name and phone number of the doctor who is treating you for your ailment or your primary doctor.

My Boss

Name and phone number, if you are employed.

Q&A COLUMN

- by Judith Lee

Being With A Dying Person!

The older one becomes the bigger chance that person has experience with the dying...a spouse, family member or friend. It is never easy. Ideally it is nice when both the dying and the people around the dying can talk about the situation. This doesn’t happen often.

The dying person and those around them often go through a series of feelings - denial and anger = before some kind of acceptance is reached. This makes it hard for any discussion to happen..

And this is the time there is so much to discuss! Where will the person die? At home? In the hospital? Hospice? There are so many choices. Finances and how the person is dying often dictates what will be done.

Many people are uncomfortable being around a dying person. They don’t know what to say, what to do. Therefore they stay away. The dying end up alone.

If this is your first experience around a dying person and you are a little fearful try to go with someone else for the first visit. Before you go talk to the caregiver about the best time/day to visit..

If the dying person is in a facility, if you don’t know the visiting hours, call the facility to find out. When with the dying don’t feel you have to "entertain" them. It is your company they will appreciate.


Helpful Hints...

Don’t wear perfume or shaving lotion when visiting. Could cause nausea.

If visiting in a facility and the door to the patient’s room is closed check with the nurses station before going in.

Ask the patient before you sit on the bed.

If visiting at home ask the caregiver what you can do or bring.

Position yourself so the patient doesn’t have to look at you at an angle.

Chronic Illness

More and more Americans are finding that they must learn to cope with chronic illness. Half of all Americans today have at least one chronic illness and one in five have two or more. Granted, for some of the 125 million people with chronic illnesses, the problems are minor, such as allergies that can be stabilized with medications. Still, 60 million others have multiple chronic conditions, many of which, such as heart disease, Alzheimer’s disease, cancer, arthritis, epilepsy, mental illness and others, are serious or life threatening.

Initially, the big problem may be learning to live with the uncertainty about how disabled you may become and whether your life expectancy will be shortened. It’s a real struggle for people to figure out how to cope, how to do everything one normally does. And at the same time, if the prognosis is grim, one must keep in the back of one’s mind that no matter how well they cope, they may not be able to change the course of their disease.

Suggestions for those around a person with a chronic disease are: not to feel pity as that can come across as condescending; don’t turn that person into a hero as well. For example, going into a restaurant isn’t heroic. You’re there for a meal. Realize the person may be on medication that has strong side effects but don’t focus on that.

Some suggestions are: using the energy to fight the disease; finding support groups; find meaning in the face of disability or imminent death, reassess what is important; don’t let the disease define you; find moments of pleasure. Don’t make perfect health the measure of who you are because perfect health is an impossible goal.

There are organizations that can help you cope. Some are the National Chronic Care Consortium, (952-858-8999), and the National Organization for Rare Disorders Inc., at www.rarediseases.org.